Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
