Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
