Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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