wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
