and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
