Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
