He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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