god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?