You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
