I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!