All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more