You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?