Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.