There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
