one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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