tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.