You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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