i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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