After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
