so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
