You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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