god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
True strength comes from lack of pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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