made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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