Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
