Will you blow on my dice?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize