Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
