help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
