Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
