I faked an abortion last night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize