I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
