So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
