Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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