she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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