Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
