his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
