If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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