forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
