btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
