and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
