I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
