Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
