her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
