her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
