I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
