I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
