I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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