Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
