I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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