OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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