Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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