Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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