Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
