just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
