Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The adults are the big ones right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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