Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
