I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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