After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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