If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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