There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
