i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
