Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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