finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
