My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
