dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
