there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
