that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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