i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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