we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
