Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
