Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
