It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
