I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
