i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
