I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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