with your own penis?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
